I am grateful for this opportunity to share these writings with you. For me writing brings reflection, clarity, insight and healing. The real healing through writing is realizing that my need to keep quiet, is far greater than my need to express.
There are also quotes from different people. I find these to be revealing and inspirational reminders of what's important in this precious life; and for me that's to stop, and rest in the peace that's always here.
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I am not a Christian; but, I have reflected on how I, and so many of us understandably rejected Christianity because of the Church’s hypocrisy, arrogance, alienation and corruption of the teachings over time. I had no attraction to this religion or this man called Jesus.
It is obvious that Jesus was an extraordinary and amazing man that had profound wisdom. He influenced and touched the hearts of so many; he was an outspoken rebel who was compassionate loving and kind. Just for the record, Jesus was not a Christian; but his influence remains 2000 years later.
This Earth, our house, this temple of god, this beautiful sacred planet that we live on, has been taken over by thieves.
Quote ……….. "And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves”
Christmas is a time to remember one of the most influential, wise, compassionate and loving rebels of all time.
Billions of leaves in the soft autumn breeze gently fall to the ground returning to where they began. The seasons end as I drift slowly down, seeing new born buds and fresh new leaves, and vivid colours and a million trees; with the wind on my face I stand back and see, I am the beauty in all and none of these.
No matter what sacred places I visit, no matter how long I am on the spiritual path, if acceptance kindness and love is what I speak about, but judgement is my underlying reality, no matter how much I can justify my judgement of others, I am continuing to live in spiritual self deception, separation, hypocrisy and suffering.
Most trauma, past issues and experiences that stop us from living in an expansive, trusting, spontaneous, peaceful, alive, loving and joyful way seems to be because we were never really SEEN, LOVED, RESPECTED AND ACCEPTED. So in all kinds of weird and wonderful, and not so wonderful ways, we desperately try to find that.
It just dawned on me today the most healing thing that can happen, is to be with people that see us, love us, respect us and accept us, as we are, and maybe in that acceptance we accept ourselves, as we are, and in that acceptance, maybe it's possible for some profound healing, resolution and transformation to happen.
I was with a friend today having a cup of tea, and after an hour of conversing together, I was painfully aware of my fear, tension and resistance to allow the conversation to end, to allow space, to allow silence.
Despite feeling that fear and resistance, the conversation did come to an end. Initially there was uneasiness and tension in the silence, and my feeling was to fill in the space with conversation as quickly as possible. I found myself staying with the uneasiness, feeling the discomfort of this resistance to silence. After a short time the tension left; and there was this simple relaxed awareness.
From that place speaking happened, or it didn't, thoughts came and went; and looking out the window banana leaves were moving in the breeze, everything was just happening in the most simple, ordinary and natural way. I found myself no longer in resistance, I was in the same room, and with the same person; but now without resistance to silence. Everything flowed in the most natural way; there was a peace and easiness with no tension. I was in conversation, and I was aware of conversation. There was this simple, relaxed tension free beauty and peace of non-resistance; the freedom of everything just being as it is, without fear, control or preference.
It was like awareness being aware of awareness, and observing everything arising and returning, like drawing pictures on still water.
Having shared this story with you, where am I now ? Was this an experience that has come and gone, and hopefully I can recapture this 'experience' sometime in the future ?
From my observation life seems to be an endless series of experiences that come and go in awareness. Usually I find the conversation and the experience is the greater part that I relate to, and identify with; and awareness is somewhere in the background.
It seems that when fear and doubt are not given attention, awareness becomes more and more apparent.
I have frustration around finding myself resting in awareness, and then finding myself out of this awareness, and then not knowing how to get back into resting in this awareness.
Sitting here I realize that fear and doubt are like a dark cloud that I create; and from that place of fear and doubt, I debate and discuss as to where, and how to find the sun.
A man ordered a new Porsche sports car; he was very excited, and for weeks was looking forward to take delivery of his beautiful new $200,000 car. He thought about it, he dreamt about it, he was online viewing the vehicle endlessly. Finally the luxurious German engineered masterpiece was delivered to his home. He was overwhelmed by the red ...colour and sleek lines, and the powerful rumble of the engine as it was driven into the driveway. In awe he admired its beauty; Opening the solid car door, the sweet smell of leather and newness overtook his senses. As he shut the door and sat in the contoured comfort of the white leather seat, he felt surrounded by luxury and beauty. Gripping the smooth race crafted steering wheel; he took in the reality of his new acquisition, and the status and admiration that comes with such a prestigious motor vehicle.
He sunk back into the seat and was overwhelmed, euphoric, blissful, happy, silent and at peace; something extraordinary was happening for some seconds or minutes; he wasn’t aware of time.
He concluded that this feeling was because he now owned this unique and luxurious vehicle; and knowing all that it represented; all the status and admiration that it would bring.
THIS IS THE GREAT MISUNDERSTANDING, he wasn’t feeling so overwhelmingly happy, at peace and blissful because he now owned the vehicle, but in reality when he sat in the car, in those seconds, in those minutes, he finally had what he desired, and he no longer desired anything, he was desireless for that short time, and in that place there was peace, happiness, bliss, fulfilment and silence.
It isn’t what we have or what we acquire that brings the happiness and fulfilment, but the state of not desiring. In the moments of not wanting anything, is the place of bliss, silence, peace happiness and fulfilment. When we misunderstand why we feel so at peace and happy, and attribute it to acquiring something, and not to the fact that it’s the state of not desiring anything that makes us feel so at peace - That is the great misunderstanding, and if we don’t see that, we continue to 'desire and acquire' and miss seeing that happiness peace and fulfilment has nothing to do with anyone, or the acquisition of anything.