I sat and spoke with my dear friend today, and it was a remembrance of what is true. To speak of these things is purely and simply ~ a remembrance, and the tears that came expressed the relief and joy of being back home, the place I never left.
Love embraces me and I push it away like a child pushing my elbows out, as though it’s something to escape from; resisting this love, and then looking everywhere for it. The irony of pushing away the very thing I long for? The energy it takes to resist, and the suffering that happens from this futile search to find what’s already here.
The pain from this fruitless search becomes the catalyst for the inevitable ~
surrendering, letting go, relaxing, stopping and falling into this endless ever-present embrace, to fall into love.
I can see that the more I resist love; the more I judge, resent, compare, expect, blame and live in fear and insecurity, and have an endless need for validation and recognition; and to be seen as someone special.
When Papaji said “Call off the search”, I found it to be so profoundly beautiful. When the search is called off; what I thought was lost is instantly found, because it was always here. The search was the only thing stopping the truth from being revealed.